It's hard being a star

I give up. I can't imagine how actors learn pages and pages of dialogue.

Every year I am in the show that reporters put on spoofing, or rather skewering, politicians. I usually have a couple songs to learn plus a few lines of dialogue. In this year's show, which will take place a week from this Friday and Saturday on May 7th and 8th, I've cut back to merely one song and one character. I have spent some time this weekend trying to memorize the song and lines.

It's actually not that hard sitting in my living room, or even in a rehearsal, getting most of the lines more or less right. But it's a whole different deal when on show night the lights come up and the music starts, and something is supposed to come out of my mouth.

I did learn a long time ago that acing my numbers Friday night was not necessarily a predictor of what would happen Saturday. The key is staying focused, not relaxing, and alas, not drinking too much.

The worst experience I remember was in the early 1990s playing NY City Mayor Ed Koch. I was doing a duet version of Billy Joel's song "You may be right, I may be crazy." My partner and I decided to spice it up with some choreography, but when I came out of a spin and opened my mouth, I realized I had totally forgotten the second verse. So I just sang the first verse again.

Then there was the time, more than 20 years ago, that I was so enjoying a glass of wine or two, that I didn't make it to the stage for the finale. I mention this reluctantly, because this rare instance of excess is still a sore point in our family, even after all these years.

Just a few more notes along these lines: I was doing a duet with a certain former reporter who is now a high-ranking Capital Region news executive, when I realized he had totally forgotten his half of the song. I don't remember how we got through that, but he sounded so good even muttering his way through it that it didn't make much difference.

There have also been instances of reporters writing lyrics on their hands, a la Sarah Palin, and another who wrote them on the inside of his hat, before, in an unfortunate show of exuberance, he tossed the hat into the crowd, leaving him speechless.

We're hoping for no such hijinks this year. We figure there's enough bungling going on around here without us adding to it.