We wuz robbed

SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO - An investigation was sought today after a tourist from upstate New York apparently had the coveted "Princess Popstar" title stolen from her last night.

Janice Gallagher, a native of the Albany area who now lives in Ithaca and describes herself as a "professional student," gave a rousing rendition of Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee" in the Caribeean Princess' talent search contest.

Despite the fact that she was far and away the best act, an apparently packed audience voted narrowly for some woman from Great Britain, who sang a relatively lame version of "Black Velvet" by Alannah Myles.

The concentration of British accents in the crowd gave away the obvious bias of the audience, some of whom apparently still hold grudges from the War of 1812. Gallagher's performance was strengthened not only by the fact that she has a good voice, but the showmanship and, let's face it, the chutzpah and hammy-ness that she obviously inherited.

The night before, Gallagher had won her preliminary round contest with a soulful performance of Bonnie Raitt's "Something to talk about."

There was no immediate comment from Princess officials, who seemed too preoccupied with unloading 3,600 guests and boarding an equal number of replacements to be bothered with this blockbuster scandal.